Your Recycling Bin Is a Thief’s Treasure Trove
We’ve never met, and I hope we never do. But I want to thank you for the continuous stream of treasures you keep leaving me in your recycling bin. Not only do I know a lot about you, but I’m grateful that you have offered me access to your personal life in so many areas. I know you’re a recycling queen, and although the earth loves you for that, I love you for it even more. I hope you continue feeding the recycling bin, and our relationship, with all your private paperwork.
Your Recent Trip
We didn’t get to travel together, but I see that your recent trip to Europe was quite extensive. I don’t really care where you went, but thank you for sharing your boarding passes and itinerary. I was able to retrieve your frequent flier data, credit card information, and your passport number.
Your Health Care Insurance
How fortunate that you have such a great medical plan. Did you print out your ID number to share with your pharmacist, massage therapist, and optometrist? That was so kind and generous of you to share it with me, too, via the recycling bin. That number is worth a lot of money to me. A lot! Thank you.
It’s been great staying in the loop about your life and acquaintances. Your email address alone is valuable, but your emails have so much detail, including names, phone numbers, credit card details and so much more! I’m glad that you print them out and discard them in the recycle bin. Don’t worry, I will won’t share this confidential information on the Dark Web with just anyone, I promise.
Your Financial Information
Are you aware of what information is on your receipts, invoices, bills, and financial statements? Well, I sure am. And I’m keeping excellent records, so don’t you worry about any of it. Just keep tossing all those loose papers into the recycling bin each week.
P.S. Wait a minute…something has changed. The sudden lack of any private paperwork in the recycling bin is sending me a clear message: You’ve met someone new and you’re ending our relationship!
So, American Document Destruction has promised to handle your sensitive documents securely and shred them so that I will never be able to read them or reassemble them. Were you drawn to them because they’re NAID AAA Certified? You must have cleverly called them at 775-358-2323—or did you simply complete the form on this page? Either way, you have just frustrated this Northern Nevada thief. Now I’ll have to move on to some other unsuspecting reckless recycler. How dare you?
Your Secret Admirer/Identity Thief